Help My Pants Are On Fire

Help My Pants Are On Fire is a hilarious story about a man, a cigar and an answer from God.

By Michael R Dougherty

The following actually happened   -

A good friend of mine was smoking a big, fat cigar as he drove along a busy Los Angeles freeway.

He had developed a habit of smoking big cigars, but he had been feeling guilty about smoking, so he decided to challenge God.

"OK God, if you don't want me to smoke any more, just give me a sign and I'll give it up."

Now I don't know about you, but I've found that issuing a challenge to God, can have interesting and sometimes unexpected consequences.

Help My Pants Are On Fire

Now I should tell you that my friend had also developed the bad habit of letting a huge, hot coal build up on the tip of his cigars. A bad habit that was about to dramatically change his ways.


Moments later as my friend continued driving on the freeway, the large hot coal on the end of his cigar broke off and the burning coal landed right square in the middle of his lap.

With his lap burning, my friend quickly tried to stand up as he drove his car to the nearest off-ramp as the hot coal began to burn through his pants.

Just up ahead was an off-ramp, and he decided to go for it.

As he quickly swerved off the freeway and onto the ramp, he continued to try and put out his now smoking pants. At the end of the ramp he pulled his car off to the side and hastily sprang from his car and began brushing the hot coals from his smoking pants.

Passing motorists gave him a strange glance as my friend did his "my pants are on fire" dance beside the freeway off-ramp.

A few moments later, he had extinguished the burning coals on his smoldering lap.

My friend then took a deep breath, looked up to Heaven and said "OK God, you win."

He has not smoked since, and he has given up challenging God.

Help My Pants Are On Fire

A Note from Mike -

I vividly remember when my friend (his name is Jack) told me the story above.

As he told the story I could see the terror on his face when he realized that the huge coal had landed in the middle of his lap. There he was, driving along at 55 to 60 miles an hour on a Los Angeles freeway with his pants on fire.

I could also imagine seeing him trying to "stand up" in the front seat of his car to try and get the hot coal off his pants while he fought to keep from having a collision on the freeway.

Every time I tell this story, I enjoy it as much as I did the first time my friend told me about his misadventure.

Have fun and keep laughing

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Alaska Humor Speaker - Michael R Dougherty

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